44.

Your text read, "Whenever" so I said, "8.5 min" and hopped in my car. I pulled up driverside-closest to your house, tires just touching the grass. My headlights illuminated the empty 11oclock street filled with heavy 11oclock air. At the end I caught a glimpse of the ash-filled lot that was your friend's house. Her brother is getting better I hear.
I waited a minute or two and then sent you "Herre" like in that Nelly song from a while ago. I started getting that short of breath you get but don't realize it, and then about ten seconds in you have to take a really large dose of air to get your blood pressure back to normal but then when you exhale you get dizzy, that kind of short of breath. My doctors told me that sometimes when this happens to me my vocal chords try to kill me. "They choke you. Your vocal chords don't really like you!" They would joke, and I would agree.
You would come out and walk straight up to the car. I would roll down my window, you would reach in and give me a long kiss, walk around to the other side and get in. It would be good. We would have beeen good.
But you left that house that night with a smile to hide. Hold steady, don't show me your smile. You passed in front of my car and the headlights hit you.
They hit you and maybe the only thing to hit you
and cause you to smile because you
don't know sweat. You don't know
scrapes and blood and laughter.
But in that moment, suspended
in that sunbeam, you made me
forget.
Forget everything
Forget everyfrown
And when you looked
down
with that palefaced
rose smile
trying still to hide it
behind your coat
hide it behind the
11oclock smoke
her house still ash,
still smoke,
I left the car
and watched
your birth
your mother
and your father
in a NewYourkCity
pad
bring to life what would
smile rosily at me
halfway around the world
one cold January night
and say
iloveyou.