32.

The roosters crow all day for you.
The fire I once kept clicks and,
every couple seconds, makes the sound
of a branch, slowed by snow but no,
You patter on like a desperate fish.

I've left the eggs aboil
and gone for a ride.
One day the chicks
will find your sheets.

31.

If you were having an orgasm and saw someone you care about get shot in the head, what would that feel like?

30.

The first time we really hung out he was skateboarding. He could do all those flips and things and when I asked how long he had been skating for he said, "A week or so."
I really like people who get good at things. I like when people care. All my friends up to this point just 'were' good at things. I always thought about how I liked getting good, not so much being good. I was happy to find someone who seemed to share that weird drive.

From that point on the four of us got good. I played off his savviness, he played off mine, and we both played off of the sheer talent of the other two. It was the best of times.

29.

In the shadow of the sun
I go unnoticed by all that matters,
lay beneath her arbolized targets
which catch everything necessary for necessity.

The shadow's blue penetrates all me,
past all that feels,
touching all that can't touch.
It changes something.

The valley of my wants, once
held only only only by snow
is finally alive with trees.
Oh, trees in the valley of my wants.

Grow green and strong in my
dome of desire.
Catch the sun's gifts with
outstretched leafhands (iknowyouwill)

28.

When we were younger we wanted to learn how to play poker. So we did. We did well. Learned well. And I wouldn't trade it for the world because when it comes down to it poker is EVERYTHING!!! It helps me cope with my questions sometimes, not at all. Why do we want to live? Evolution's real, but why? Don't we have to explain why organisms want to survive? Don't we behave qualitatively like cells? Don't things just keep coming together? (quarks-->protons/neutrons, protons/neutrons-->atoms, atoms-->molecules, molecules-->macromolecules, macromolecules-->cells, cells-->organisms, organisms-->colonies, colonies-->nations [etc.?] all in presumably over time) wtf? What is the internet? Does the sun have a shadow? Things 1) want to survive, 2) want to be with similar things? How is binary involved? I think there is a binary to this, like involving classical newtonian and quantum and the lack of interplay between the two. Its a binary of size. What the fuck are we? Really, i feel i matter so little but simultaneously feel i'm necessary for 'this' all to work. If only I could express myself better! Oh, I feel I would mix things up quite a bit. String theory makes sense then...circles doo too sometimes. Actually no, circles never make sense. Im gonna think up a new sense right now. HOld on. Let me see if I can. uhhhh like there's this stuff, i can feel attractive forces between things. or something. 2nd degree metaphor is curious, like here: so your goal is to write a GOOD metaphor. the tough part is you have to write it from the point of view of waterbottle looking at an elephant. so first you have to develop (in your mind) the persona of a waterbottle, like all of the life experiences and shit and opinions that waterbottle had gained throughout its life from positive experiences with some things and negative ones with others, then take that opinion, look at an elephant, and describe it metaphorically using images and which you, the waterbottle, can muster due to life experience and connections in your waterbottle point of view. good luck sir. this is like maybe relevant as you know, anything new can only be described through simile or metaphor. like an explanation is a metaphor.

27.

27.1

O the sound of the halyard
in the morning is almost crimson
to touch, it makes me
want to stay here forever.

At night there are two skies.
I dive into the lower and feel like I have disrupted something
with my splishes and splashes.

My brother and I play nightly with the universe.
Blow for blow we go
tossing tear-sized starsspecks.
We laugh when we're hit hahahah

Mercy me! I hope no one notices!
We've disrupted everything!

27.2

26.

Tears (of course)
only precipitate
on my face
when its
warmer
in me
than
out.

25.

20.5.1

I moved my hand slowly
over the faux-leather arm rest
just to feel something.
I was still alive.

I couldn't see
and
couldn't feel anything
except the leather arm rest.

(She hugged me quickly
and ran away when
I left,,,,,,,,,was she afraid
I would kiss her?

The white bearded man,
as I fumbled teary-eyed
to scrape together
the cost for the road, asked:

"You have snow tires?"
"I wouldn't be surprised
if ya didn't make it
through the mountains")

I thought about freezing to death.
For those last seconds,
I'm sure its like being underwater,
like somethings surely holding you.

I wanted to die,
just to be held
for once.
Oh, my faith.

I thought back to when she said,
is it okay if i say 'iloveyou'.
I wished the world was different.
wished it was all blue.

And when I said all those
bullshit things to her
and tried to make her cry
because i needed that.

And those tens of minutes or so
when the world was all blue
because we were competing to see
who could look at eachothers eyes longer.

I thought about how I cant believe you won that
and how I've held you through so many earthquakes
and about how I had never noticed that your nose is kinda crooked
until you told me, and about how I liked you better after that because
I really hate my nose too.

And about how all of those people that care about me say things like
"youre better than her, she was terrible to you, im glad youre over her"
and about how I know you so well and your body so little
and about how sometimes I dreamed about you

and about how when I listen to a song for the first time and have a visceral reaction to it its always because it insomeway brings me back to that first moment when you were through the window and I stood sheepishly, unknowingly with my feet in the grass praying that some day I would know you a little better and how if my then-self had seen some of the moments we would have together over our stay he would have maybe layed down right there in the grass and professed his faith in god, and about how stupid that would have been because all of those tender moments would have been for nothing, really, because she would never realize that what she talks about looking for has been right in front of her ever since I walked inside, that night in September after wiping my feet at the door.

i somehow made it home that day in march,
dont know how,
dont care how,
dont care about the hows and whys anymore
hopefully someday I will again

24.

My Top Tracks of 2011
(moderately in order)

1. Destroyer - "Bay of Pigs"
2. Yuck - "Rubber"
3. Marissa Nadler - "The Sun Always Reminds Me Of You"
4. Real Estate - "It's Real"
5. Dum Dum Girls - "Caught In One"
6. Smith Westerns - "All Die Young"
7. tUnE-yArDs - "Powa"
8. Gang Gang Dance - "Glass Jar"
9. St. Vincent - "Cruel"
10. Youth Lagoon - "July"
11. Nicki Minaj - "Superbass"
12. Fleet Foxes - "Helplessness Blues"
13. Ducktails - "Killin' The Vibe"
14. Destroyer - "Blue Eyes"
15. Jai Paul - "BTSTU"
16. Yuck - "Georgia"
17. James Blake - "I Never Learnt To Share"
18. Danny Brown - "Monopoly"
19. Girls - "Vomit"
20. Tim Hecker - "The Piano Drop"
21. Nicolas Jaar - "Keep Me There"
22. Shabazz Palaces - "Swerve…The Reaping of All That is Worthwile (Noir Not Withstanding)"
23. Tennis - "Marathon"
24. Fucked Up - "The Other Shoe"
25. Kanye West and Jay-Z - "Otis"
26. Mark McGuire - "Get Lost"
27. EMA - "California"
28. Dum Dum Girls - "In My Head"
29. The Antlers - "I Don't Want Love"
30. WU LYF - "Heavy Pop"
31. Frank Ocean - "Novacane"
32. M83 - "Raconte-Moi Une Histoire"
33. Purity Ring - "Ungirthed"
34. Dum Dum Girls - "Coming Down"
35. Lil Wayne - "6 Foot 7 Foot (feat. Cory Gunz)
36. Smith Westerns - "Imagine Pt. 3"
37. Korallreven - "As Young As Yesterday"
38. Tyler, The Creator - "Yonkers"
39. Lana Del Rey - "Blue Jeans"
40. John Maus and Molly Nilsson - "Hey Moon"
41. Skeleton Zoo - "Ricky Eat Acid (Pale Blue and Dripping Water Remix)
42. Dum Dum Girls - "Wrong Feels Right"
43. St. Vincent - "Strange Mercy"
44. Beyonce - "Best Thing I Never Had"
45. Young Stein - "Popular"
46. Cass McCombs - "County Line"
47. Kurt Vile - "Ghost Town"
48. Bon Iver - "Towers"
49. Washed Out - "You and I"
50. The Pains of Being Pure At Heart - "Heart In Your Heartbreak"

23.

20.8

Put your toes in my shoes
so no one sees.
Kiss me quick!
I like it when you
kiss me,,,
,,,please...

Nights for tears
are nights for dreams,
relief from the
goneness and neverness of
our vector.

I'v held our relationship
like a handrail
what is a handrail?
like a fish in the jet stream
confusing air and water

I end up somewhere new
everyday
nothing to show for yesterday
nothing to show for yesteryear
dear,
please someday
break the glass
and touch me, really

20.9

Sun spot
drop
blob
hand
flowerpedals
bronze skies
red skies
lies
and
eyes.

i need more dew
than you

22.

When we met you said:
"Butterflies have butterfly babies,
not baby butterflies...have you ever thought that?"
And from my place of power, I did,
giggling out of weekness the warped wooden log below me
became much sweeter.
All the skinny little green toungues
growing from the ground licked my feets,
they knew i felt so sweets.I could almost taste cocoa milk.
The tufts and moments of lightning in the distance
sucked all the energy from my arms as
the sentences I was trying to construct lost syntact
and my and paper and pen lacked act o
                                                                h
                                                                  h
                                                                   hhh
my legs were children again.
I would have killed humanity if you
were sitting with me        when my
heart chimed   one two three   with the lightning.
I would have said:
"you don't need mango on your lips"
and giggled

21.

yeah like


i: had a headache

(and)

i: this is gonna suck

(so)

i: im not going (then i smoked and [the headache went away])

(but now)

its: too late

(fuck)

i: kinda just choked on my birth control pill

(and)

its: tiny

20.

20.1
And if I would have known then
What I know now:
That this moment would last forever,
That you would always be in His house
And that I would always be standing alone
Out in the drab suburban chill,
Always looking in...

And that there would always be a pane of glass between us.
Because there has been always a pane of glass between us.

20.2
Had I known had I known.
Had I known I would be sitting still chilled
A Junior now (A Junior then too)
Here in the lonely library,
Surrounded by dead knowledge,,,
still,,,
thinking about this moment:
when the pane of glass was between us and,
His diningroom-light warmed you,
displayed you and,
I was wearing two coats because,
unknowingly
I would need both.
Had
I
Had I.

20.3
If maybe Just.
Or one time,
I had exhaled
those
butterfly babies
with the perfect rhyme
O there was so much time
during that summer
O all I can now
is remember the dazes

20.4
Had I known It would always be this cold,
and that you would never leave the stoop.
(you made it to the stoop a couple times),
I know you remember
all your apologies

20.5
That night in Montreal was so cold:
 We made faces at each other through the glass,
  and you giggled once or twice
   And I thought I had
    put my hands between
     your fingers
      and hairs
       and heart
        when you said:
there was a time,
but it was never enough
and I thought,
just for a second:
about my mom's blue hands on white winter mornings,
creeping ever so silently into my sheets.

20.6
And before that in San Francisco
It was late when you said
     is it okay
     for me to say
     'i love you'?

20.7
The autumn has always been
tense
Always been
dense
Always as sure as love.

Hello,,,we met, laughed and hugged goodbye?              (and I liked it?)

19.

My Top Albums of 2011

1.   Destroyer - Kaputt
2.   Dum Dum Girls - Only In Dreams
3.   tUnE-yArDs - w h o k i l l
4.   Smith Westerns - Dye It Blonde
5.   Nicolas Jaar - Space Is Only Noise
6.   James Blake - James Blake
7.   Yuck - Yuck
8.   Danny Brown - XXX
9.   St. Vincent - Strange Mercy
10. M83 - Hurry Up, We're Dreaming
11. Marissa Nadler - Marissa Nadler
12. Tennis - Cape Dory
13. Fleet Foxes - Helplessness Blues
14. Gang Gang Dance - Eye Contanct
15. Real Estate - Days
16. Mark McGuire - Get Lost
17. Tim Hecker - Ravedeath, 1972
18. Shabazz Palaces - Black Up
19. Youth Lagoon - The Year Of Hibernation
20. Skeleton Zoo - The Busride EP

18.

Its inexplicable in the same way as dying from old age.
In the same way as an Aspergian's love,
And as the texture of paper.

As effort and effort
And insomnia gone wrong.
As the snowbanks in April
And as wet leaves ruin sweets.

Dispondentness because we are not in a vacuum,
Because there are more than two (two is a vacuum).
Three is death by color
one is death by zero.

17.

Her downed pink hair,

Worn only at the sweetest of times.

We belong along the road

Running our heads full tilt:

Into the night!

Warm air in our hair

Neither warm nor cool,

Dewy grass: hold us

as Pupal lust ensue,
to bring us Anew.

16.

Sitting, her arms are too heavy to lift and the music so blue. Never would she think her progeny imagine this moment. Her tears began to cry, oh the salty irony. Begging are her potential children of other men, looking behind at her morning the loss of this son-of-a-bitch who hurt her, hoping she gets over him. The Midwestern air is so fucking cold tonight and she despises it, the dryness too. So much Dopamine she is aware of her lips becoming slowly chapped.

I sit trillions, trillllions of "miles" away and watch her helpless and I feel the same. I would drink a case of her salty tears if I had to if it helped her. I'm in eternal debt. All her pain is mine and all mine hers, the drugs too, and the music. The blood her bones made. The tears her eyes made.

15.

9. Because the water runs down your arms which is an irrational annoyance. Wetness isn't really that bad.

14.

We eat fruit, not seed,
and pick out the stems.

The trees look on ironically.
"Thanks be to God" they say,

"Anatomy lessons are cruicial here,"
for separating fruit from seed,
tract from ear
is our sole and sinful need!

In a cast-iron pot,
while the canopy need not bleed,
we make our stew
as cells lyse.

13.

Desolate sandsurf,
Gonged landlessness
Inhabited by angels
And men alike***

Along for the ride,
I am and
I hope luck is on my
side---

I know not bliss,
only yellow smoke...

12.

Tears from hip-hop...into babbling brooks, we

                                       heave hooks, we

                                       ease others, we
                                       Jazz June.

11.

eleven:eleven

10.

A reference to binary, the unexplainable good-bad of the "world,"
    - The Universe
whatever, e i pi idk why.
theres only yes
and no
or metaphor.

Meta- (from Greek: μετά = "after", "beyond", "with", "adjacent", "self"), is a prefix used in English (and other Greek-owing languages) to indicate a concept which is an abstraction from another concept, used to complete or add to the latter.

ab·strac·tion

   [ab-strak-shuhn]  Show IPA

noun

1.

an abstract or general idea or term.

9.

Paper towel dispensers should be placed no higher than 4 feet off the ground.

8.

Type 2 Diabetic
who saidit:
Go get me cake,
Want some candy?


McDonalds is good
for the world-
It has cured...
Hunger:


Because of, the
sleeping pills, the
beer and, the
heat.

7.

There's this point during every Caffeine high, always about one hour in, when the drug finally reaches my Superior Colliculus.

6.

"The mystic chords of memory, stretching from every battle-field, and patriot grave, to every living heart and hearth-stone, all over this broad land, will yet swell the chorus of the Union, when again touched, as surely they will be, by the better angels of our nature."

5.

Post-pioneering a new cliff jump. For at least 10 seconds I was moderately serious about dropping out of college to pioneer more jumps. Unfortunately I forgot. I wouldn't be that good at it anyway. I'm pretty afraid of heights.
We lied a bit just around when this picture was taken. We said that we would eat dinner with them but realized quickly after we didn't want to and later, by text, told them we were instead going to go to a restaurant, which we did.
We listened to Best Coast on the way, and it was dark on our way back. Luckily there were lights on the channel markers.
I hope they enjoyed the hot dogs they cooked. I'm sure they were cooked well.

4.

Gibbous moons look like fluorescent jellyfish.

3.

The earth is a Helium atom at 2 K.

2.

Sometimes I like to think my dog a more ultimate justice than I. Maybe playing ping pong is more destructive than I think.

1.

Planes look like satellites to fish.