20.

20.1
And if I would have known then
What I know now:
That this moment would last forever,
That you would always be in His house
And that I would always be standing alone
Out in the drab suburban chill,
Always looking in...

And that there would always be a pane of glass between us.
Because there has been always a pane of glass between us.

20.2
Had I known had I known.
Had I known I would be sitting still chilled
A Junior now (A Junior then too)
Here in the lonely library,
Surrounded by dead knowledge,,,
still,,,
thinking about this moment:
when the pane of glass was between us and,
His diningroom-light warmed you,
displayed you and,
I was wearing two coats because,
unknowingly
I would need both.
Had
I
Had I.

20.3
If maybe Just.
Or one time,
I had exhaled
those
butterfly babies
with the perfect rhyme
O there was so much time
during that summer
O all I can now
is remember the dazes

20.4
Had I known It would always be this cold,
and that you would never leave the stoop.
(you made it to the stoop a couple times),
I know you remember
all your apologies

20.5
That night in Montreal was so cold:
 We made faces at each other through the glass,
  and you giggled once or twice
   And I thought I had
    put my hands between
     your fingers
      and hairs
       and heart
        when you said:
there was a time,
but it was never enough
and I thought,
just for a second:
about my mom's blue hands on white winter mornings,
creeping ever so silently into my sheets.

20.6
And before that in San Francisco
It was late when you said
     is it okay
     for me to say
     'i love you'?

20.7
The autumn has always been
tense
Always been
dense
Always as sure as love.

Hello,,,we met, laughed and hugged goodbye?              (and I liked it?)